"Let's don't say goodbye, I hate the way it sounds...So if you don't mind, let's just say for now..."

Hellurt.
Short and sweet:
1. I love my new friends.
2. I miss my old friends.
3. Sophie amazes me every single second.
4. I'm slowly but surely going insane.
5. I've felt sick for going on 4 days.

See you when I see you,
Macy

"But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded That for me it isn't over..."

Well here we are, a million years later...or so it seems.
I was reading my last post and un-surprisingly, not a lot has changed since then.
I wish I could say otherwise, but I can't.

I discovered Adele's new Album, 21, and it's all I've been listening to.
It's absolutely incredible. Every song about her ex/break-up/feelings, and I understand whole-heartedly.
It hits hard, and closer to home than any other entire album I've ever listened to.

I'm still a mess, still single, and still wishful thinking.
It seems pretty pathetic to keep on posting these self-pittying rants, but better talking to a computer screen than boring everyone else with it?

I feel like a lot could've went differently since January. A LOT.
No one seems worth trying for - I've had SO many ups and downs and all-around since then that I probably wouldn't know what to do if a well worth it relationship opportunity slapped me in the face.

Sure I can sit around and wish and hope for someone to come along and sweep me off of my feet and make me happy and make "it all disappear", but that wish alone makes me sick.
Why does it matter? Why isn't being single and being a kick-ass hard working mom good enough?
Who knows, who knows.

It's 2:22am, this is a bit ridiculous.

Take it all with my love,
Macy

It's been a while...

Here are some things/thoughts that have been consuming my mind/life recently:
-If I had a dollar for every cigarette I've ever smoked, I'd be rich. (disgusting)
-If I could get as excited about school as I do a phone call saying "THEY'RE OVER!", I'd be valedictorian.
-I'm broke.
-My daughter will be TWO in less than a month, now.
-Beauty school sounds so heavenly.
-I have 3 pages of my research paper due...oh...TOMORROW.
-I need some suppport.
-I need a good guy.
-I need a lot of things...

"You've got a gypsy soul to blame, and you were born for leavin'..."

I had a fantastic conversation with my best friend, Natalie, tonight.
It's always good to escape and talk to her for a while, even though we usually just talk about the past and how much fun we HAD and how it COULD be if nothing changed...that gets a little depressing, but it makes you think...Ohhh, how it makes you think...

I have changed tremendously over the past year or so.
My friends packed up and went their own ways (which I'm proud of/support them), I started college, reunited with my old friends, and made some new ones.
It's been one hell of a roller coaster.
I would've never thought that I would celebrate my daughter's FIRST BIRTHDAY the summer before my freshman year in college. Blows.My.Mind.
There are things I miss about my past, but in all reality I am so excited for my future that I can hardly wait to see what it holds.

There is one thing I can't get off my mind, and it makes no sense to me.
I keep going back through it in my head, rewinding and reliving every move I/we made and I can't figure it out at all.
The thing that I can't understand the most is that this has made me think and want back more than I ever did when I lost "my first love"...It is mind bottling and ridiculous.
Get outta my braaaaiiiinn, geez.

GOOD NEWS:
My Spring Break starts at 3:15pm tomorrow! WOOHOO!
I have a project due that i should proobbably start on, right now.
and a Mid-Term that I should prooobbably be studying for, right now.
So I'm gonna get to it, as long as I can get my eyes off of intervention.

Ohhh, I wanna see you again...

"I should've known you would bring me heartache...Almost lovers always do..."

Even though I missed my mini-me SO MUCH over the weekend, it was kind-of good, in a way.

I think I needed to be away in order to appreciate the time I do spend with her even more. 

Ohhh how I loved those little arms wrapped around my neck this morning. 

I think I need an intervention for my addiction to the show "Intervention". 

It honestly fascinates me! 

It too, makes me appreciate my life even more. 

My girls are in PCB right this moment, for the rest of the week.

I would honestly give ANYTHING to be right there with them.

But, hopefully we'll all reunite there this summer. :)

I'm too focused on Intervention to write this blog.

Sorry if it's been a waste of your time. Hah.

Oh yeah, the title of this one, it's a lyric from "Almost Lover" - A Fine Frenzy.

And it's soooo true.

<3

Vitamins and nothing...

"Cause if you take your vitamins and pay your taxes and never the cut the line, the universe still gives you people to love and then lets them slip through your fingers like water, and then what have you got? Vitamins and nothing…." - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy 

I am Sophie-less for the weekend, so this is how I'll be spending it:

"That's a little trick we used to use on the Jap's..."

That picture you see there, that's what it's supposed to be like.

That's normal.

And that...that, is friendship.

Oh, I love Team Ethan.

"We've got our backs against the ocean, It's just us against the world..."

Two posts in one day? I'm on a roll!

Actuuuaaally....
For some strange reason I have gotten extremely emotional the past couple of hours.
Reasoning:

1. I miss my littlemonsterminimesnugglebugSophiebear SO much tonight.

2. ______ _______

I have never wanted to punch/talk to someone so bad in my entire life.
There was no closer, not that I really deserved any, but STILL...

"My name is Kiiiiiid...KID ROCK!"

"I wanna get you alone, So Hott! I wanna...get.you.stoned!"

Red SWAGgin' it up!

Trace Adkins made an appearance!

Mixin' it on the Jim Beam bar.

"I was off to drink you away!"
Sheryl Crow showed up!<3

Bawitdaba<3

One of the most entertaining shows I've ever been to. Gotta love the KID!

We had an absolute blast - even if i did come home with the stomach virus.

Walking a block or two in the rain, getting into the concert and looking like  a hot-mess for sure, but still having the BEST time. 

Afterwards, we headed down the strip and ate Margaritaville - this is where the sickness kicked in.

After we ate, we walked downstairs to leave and the live band just HAPPENED to be playing "Wagon Wheel" - Old Crow Medicine Show...how could we not sing along? Especially when the singer requests it? So, there we stood in the back of the room, no where near the stage...Screaming the chorus to "Wagon Wheel" at the tops of our lungs. They loved us, they put a spotlight on us and everything. 

After we had our (literally) 15 seconds of fame, we headed out.

I got sick on the ride home, having to pull over and throw my guts up twice. (And no, it had nothing to do with the Jim Beam and Cola - this was pure stomach virus)

We finally made it home around 2:45am. I drove home and absolutely crashed. 

Spent all day Saturday hopping from couch to bed, to different couch, to other bed. My arms and legs felt like I had been beat.

But now, it's Sunday! And I actually feel some-what better. Thank the Lord!

Soph and I are going to search the web for her 2nd birthday party decor! Ahhh!

<3

"It's a right night for the wrong company..."

As I wind down this overly exhausting day, I found it only appropriate to let you (although I'm not even sure if there is a "you" reading this thing) know how court went today...the results:
Every other weekend from 9am on Friday to 9am on Sunday, and every Tuesday. 
This will take a LOT of getting used to, but I'm sure Sophie will love weekends at her daddy's, and who am I kidding...I could definitely use a break sometimes.
She has been the happiest baby ever the past few days! I'm so proud of how she's growing up (minus the small temper tantrums, and also those times when she slings things - anything - from one side of the room to another, haha)!
She plays so good by herself with all of her baby dolls toys, I just love hearing her carry on "conversations" with them. My baby isn't so much a baby anymore!

Subject change (before i start crying, haha)...


Tonight I did something I TOLD myself i was going to stop doing...thinking about what USED to be is absolutely the biggest problem i have.
I mean, does it REALLY matter what happened or what was said yesterday, last week, a month and a half, or even two years ago? No, it sure doesn't.
Does that mean I've forgotten? Hell no.
Does that mean I'm going to forget? Nope.
Is the fact that I can't forget going to change anything? Not quite.
So, why do we do it? Why does everyone I know (me, mostly) dwell on the past and what could have been, because obviously it couldn't have been...considering it didn't happen.

One thing I know that is set in stone, and that I will never have to dwell on is this little booger...

"And when she wraps her hand around my finger, oh it puts a smile in my heart, everything becomes a little clearer...I realize what life is all about." <3

We're gonna go snuggle now.

Valentine's, Shmalentine's...

Ok, so maybe I am only bitter about ValenVOMIT's day because I don't have a significant other to spend it with and/or shower each other in pointless gifts with, but that doesn't change the fact that I am bitter...stupid holiday. Hah.

To all of you that DO have a special someone, I hope you've enjoyed your day/night!

Annyyywaaayysss...


Tomorrow's the big day...Court date #2.
I'd rather take a beating.
We've been over this before, I want Sophie to see/know/love her father...but waking up to her little face and spending every Saturday with her all day long has become a habit that i absolutely love.
I don't know what I'll do every other Saturday, but that's where my incredible friends come in - hopefully they will help me to get my mind off of things. <3

Subject change...


Even though this ValenVOMIT's day has been spent being single, I have realized exactly how precious my beautiful little bundle of fun actually is!
She loves candy WAY too much, though...I think she gets that from her daddy's side, because unless it's chocolate, I don't like it at all.
I've realized that no matter what, she'll always answer my "I love you" with an "I love you too, momma!" Never leaves out the "momma", and it absolutely melts my heart every.single.time.
We've had so much fun tonight! We have done absolutely nothing but danced like crazy, colored, and watched Barney. Since I won't be attending classes tomorrow (due to court), I don't have to focus on homework, for once...and it's great. I can't wait to have all summer off!

Here's a little dose of what goes on when the rest of the house goes to bed and Sophie and I are left to entertain one another:

Happy Valentine's Day!
<3

Sophie filled Saturday

I try to spend every waking moment of my Saturday's with this "Sleeping Beauty".

She woke up around 9:30am this morning, and in the hour she's been awake, she's managed to do the following things (i am proud of most of them):

-Eat a huge breakfast! (french toast, eggs, sausage)

-Sing the chorus of "Baby" - The Biebz himself

-"Cook" myself and her baby dolls multiple dishes in her kitchen

-Put and leave on 3D glasses in hopes of Dora being in 3D

-Make her baby do the John Wall (aka. John blob)

-Dance like a fool.

There's not a boring moment.

Enjoy your Saturday, I know I will! 

<3

Told you it would get more interesting...

I received a letter in the mail last week that i was to appear in court on February 15th.
No, I'm no criminal...It's regarding visitation rights for Sophie.
I would almost rather be on trial for a crime.

I've never been more stressed out about anything in my life. It makes me nauseous to think about being away from Soph for two nights every other week. If it has to happen, then it has to happen, I understand that much...I just do not look forward to it...at all.
I come from a family of zero divorces, so I have absolutely no idea how any of this works.

What I do know, though, is that it's tearing not only me up...but my family up as well. We're all torn between what's right and what's wrong and how we should go about this. In all reality, though, I feel like it's in my hands. I want Sophie to see her daddy, cause he is a good one, I'm just a selfish mommy. But what's so wrong with that? Ha.

If you're reading this, thanks. Keep me in your thoughts. I need it.



On a lighter note, I am going to see Kid Rock and Jamie Johnson with ALL of my favorite ladies next Friday! It will be the perfect way to get my mind off of all of this "mess".

I've had my eye on a pair of boots that I would love to have/wear to this hell of a concert, it'll take my entire tax return (which I would much rather spend on PCB!), but have a look-see:

Boots : $267.99 - Frye

Just channeling my inner Miranda, you know. 

<3 

and all her friends think she's a little crazy...

There is no better way to describe me than "one big mess".

I was lying in bed thinking about a million different things at once, and because blogging has become so popular, I decided this may be the perfect way to vent and keep all of my thoughts organized. I just hope I can stick with it.

It's 1:18am, and my mind is blank.

Stay tuned for more interesting things, I promise I have a lot to talk about.

<3